Reuniting with My Father 01/22/2010
 Insanely picture perfect photo, isn't it? My favorite snapshot of my parents, hands down. Of course, I only have a handful to choose from, being as they separated when I was five or so. As a young girl, such moments worth capturing in time were my only glimpses of their marriage, which made it all the more difficult to understand why they didn't make it. It wasn't until shortly after my sixteenth birthday that it finally became real for me. Somewhere between my mother's misery and my father's absence and continued profession of love for my mother, I connected imaginary dots that pointed to a reunion. I can remember riding in the backseat of various cars, at various times, my eyes fixed on the sky. My dad, arms opened wide, was waiting for me in a continual fantasy just beyond the clouds. I would stare through the blue and fluffy white until I found him. We'd smile so big that our cheeks hurt and as he knelt on one knee, I'd run to him just as fast as I could. Lifting me in the air, we'd spin and grin and then hug a hug filled with all the love we had. Of course, there came a day when that dream faded and in its place grew Parent Trap-esque notions of how to heal this broken marriage--this broken home. It was surely a simple misunderstanding or an issue of pride and would all be swept away if I just tried hard enough. When I discovered that my parents had never gone through with an actual divorce, I was convinced they were deeply in love and that I could convince them of the same. I was in sixth grade then and had not heard from my father in months. Months became years and the dream didn't fade. Seeing the loving relationships between childhood friends and their daddies made it all the more worth hanging onto. With my father no where to be found and my mother down for the count emotionally, I found love where I could. Innocently enough, love from the parents of a best friend helped for many years. There were two families, in particular, that took me in and loved me to bits and saw something worth loving in me. Church and chores and dinners together and I was loved. For a few years, this kept me feeling worthwhile and special.  After not hearing from my father in five years, he called us shortly after my sixteenth birthday. On his own birthday. That day, my imaginary father died. My hope for family died. As an adult, I've learned the details of their split and I get it. I get the defeat. I get the struggle. I get the misery. I get the bitter resentment. I get the bridges lying in ashy ruins. I get it. What I don't get is how all of that mattered more than the four children they shared. I will never get that. My marriage has survived some ridiculous hardships, not dissimilar from the ones that plagued my parents. I'm not still married simply because I don't give up. No, my marriage is still going because God asks me to give it over and I do. I've stopped wondering why they didn't give their marriage to God, I get that, too. Instead I'm just so thankful to be spared that hopelessness. I give it all over to my real and true and trusted and faithful Father. The one that sent His only Son to save me from despair. To make me special and love me. To meet with me in the sky and spin me round and hug me with all of His might. To wipe away my tears and the heartache of a girl broken by a broken home and mended by the Living God! I'm all over the place today 12/22/2009
The Christmas preparations don't have my head spinning as I run from place to place. My husband's uncanny inability to pass up a good deal has spared me from any last minute gift shopping...God really works all things for good for those who love Him...even dealoholism! While I finish my cleaning, wrapping, grocery shopping, and botching batches of baked goods you can find me sharing some Christmas goodness over at Exemplify. Here is the Jesse Tree Carnival, in which we can each share a favorite passage of Scripture about our sweet Savior! Over here you'll find a special post in which my middle child demonstrates the true celebration of Christmas...I hope you'll read it! Love and stuff{ing}! Christmas Compassion Event Over at Exemplify 12/04/2009
 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, 'Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.' {Matthew 25:34-36, NRSV} As I read these words my prior notions concerning charity were washed away. All of this time I thought giving was simply about providing physical needs to those who weren't able to do so for themselves. As ashamed as I am to admit my shortcoming, I am amazed and humbled and moved by all that giving is meant to be! I'm rejoicing over yet another lesson in compassion, hand delivered by the Creator of the stuff! You'd think I'd get the message by now, but some learning has to be learned and learned again before it truly seeps in, and compassion is one of those areas for me. Head over here to read the rest and link to your Christmas Compassion post! Hope Does Not Disappoint 11/06/2009
"Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Romans 5:1-5, NRSV). SonShines, God is showing off again and you don't want to miss His glorious display of undying love and relentless faithfulness! I can't say more than you'll be reading from these beautiful women after God's own heart! Lauren of Living By Faith, a sister I've been blessed by so much in the short time we've been in touch, has the most beautiful testimony and news today, please stop by and celebrate our God with her--keeping this journey in your prayers and spreading the hope in her story! Also, Amy of Filled With Praise, an encouraging and inspiring woman who ministers so much to my spirit, is on a journey of blessing and hope that you will not want to miss! Her words on hope today just left me without words...and you know how I love me some words. Please keep her family in your prayers and tell a friend or 10 about what God is doing with our hope! The world would have us believe that there is nothing worth believing in and that hope leads to disappointment. That is the enemy's game. "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more" (Psalm 71:14, NIV).  Christian Being 10/09/2009
 *A few changes after publication* "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2-3, NIV). Praise God for grabbing a hold of my heart and my life and for changing me into a new creature--and praise Him for doing the same for you! When we accept the gift of salvation and we allow it to take us over, we are no longer a mere human being, we become a Christian being. I like that so much more than the term Christian. BEING implies actively doing, doesn't it ladies? It just speaks to the fact that we are currently existing as a slave to Christ. I don't know if that comes to life for you like it does for me, but man it speaks volumes! There are countless blessings while being in Christ, but sharing in His infinite wisdom, knowledge, and understanding are so beneficial to daily life and I'm seeing the need for them more and more. Love, patience, and peace are so key to being as Christ like as possible, but I believe they all begin with the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of the Lord and His Word. *When stepping into the pages of Scripture, prayer is the only way to gain the Supernatural wisdom essential to understanding God's Word.* I was recently speaking with my son, Maxx, about how every bad situation in life is actually an opportunity to do good. It's a lesson that I learned while in the middle of the most difficult time in my life. Three years ago I wouldn't have been able to help him to understand how he is a vessel of God's light in this way, because I myself was clueless to the fact. It was God's gift of wisdom to share the knowledge gained from understanding His Word that afforded me the opportunity to teach my son the way he should go. Knowing that he is a work in progress in the Father's hands has opened up room for loving him through the trial, being patient as he grows in his understanding of the Lord, and having peace in the face of the adversity that is a natural part of life. I'll be honest, I don't think I could exemplify God's love, endure with godly patience, or live with His peace if I didn't first reach for His wisdom, dig for Christian knowledge, and cling to the understanding offered through our Savior Jesus Christ! The best news? All of these gifts are in endless supply! Passing the torch... * Which of God's blessings are you reaching for most often these days? How do you make sure to be available to receive gifts from the Lord? Have you seen blessings flow from the scars of lessons learned? *  Snapshots Saturday: Bubbles 08/29/2009
I love catching moments of time. Finding the perfect words to fit the perfect memory has always been a love of mine. Capturing fleeting bits of life through photography has become a love that I hope to continue exploring, click by click. I'm excited to begin sharing some thousand-word moments with you SonShines each weekend; nothing says quite what a picture can. Feel free to link up if you decide to post your own Snapshots Saturday. Join in the theme I'm sharing or go your own way! I can't wait to see what you're up to!           How do you handle a hug? 08/27/2009
When I confessed of my compassionlessness earlier in the week, it was anything but easy. I struggled to find words that would explain without excusing, share without spotlighting, and allow me to open up without closing doors in the process. Finding no such words, I decided to skip over those details until God gave me a way to speak in Love. I think truly being transparent calls for more of the story. I won't blame my apathy entirely on my environment and upbringing, but being raised in a home without "I love you"s certainly contributes. I can't recall being hugged or encouraged by my mother and to this day those are two of the most difficult interactions for me to receive. Please don't see this as my airing any dirty laundry or childhood issues, I am healed of the hurt, it is simply a fact of residual affect. My mother was alone in rearing four girls, and with the task of provision at the forefront, emotional needs were often neglected. Not just for us girls, but for our mom as well. After years of abuse, she finally had to take us and run toward some sort of stability. Sadly, time and struggle proved too much for her and depression took over on the days when mania couldn't be found. Manic-depression cripples to the point of not being able to see or meet the needs of those around, and for my mom, that was me and my sisters. Brilliant report cards were not cause for celebration, abstinence was of no value, and doing one's best was always an attempt to one up. I was a sad and displaced child who grew to feel devoid of value as a teen. I was semi-obsessed with death and my writing reflected it to the point that a teacher became concerned that I was suicidal. My mother, on the other hand, had me stop asking her to read my poetry due to it being too morbid. No concern. I won't say she didn't care. I can't know that. I will say, she didn't show compassion and that helped to shape the void inside of me. I don't blame my mother one bit. She is human. She had her own struggles and her own void and with no relationship with Christ, that void only grew. Today, I am still uneasy in the midst of even the most loving hug. A beautiful sister in Christ once hugged me with so much genuine love that I couldn't help but desire to do the same. Since that hug with Ansley, I've always had that longing. God is calling me to explore that desire and to allow Him to grow me into a vessel through which the compassion of Christ Jesus can be poured onto others. I'm taking steps in that direction and our Father is gently nudging me along and faithfully encouraging me through opportunity and through growth...even if in tiny increments. How do you handle a hug? What do you say in return when complimented? Can you accept praise or at least redirect it to the Lord, or are you a deflector? Is this something God is working on in you? Have you been here and triumphed? I'd love to hear from you! Miracles in the Mundane 04/27/2009
 Having been on vacation this past week, I was a bit worried that I would miss the miracles that often take place in the mundane day to day life. Would busyness steal my attention while I was away?  |   Loading
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