SonShines, I started to write all this last Thursday and before I knew it, I was smacked with a fever that had me out of sorts throughout the weekend. That means a double dose of dealing with the insecurity demons this week...I'm not about to delay my delivery from this nasty foe! Please know that I'd never talk about myself so much if I didn't know it was at the request of my Father. You can read more on this insecurity stuff here. I've come to a strange bump in the road out of insecurity. I'm still just as stoked about annihilating this distorted self-image I cower behind, but I'm afraid the self-loathing is going to have to peak before its ultimate obliteration. Why do I only decide to respond to my circumstances when the pressure I'm under becomes too much? I'm asking my Father that very thing since I can't expect a straight answer from my sideways self. Here, I thought this was a scenic tour through my issues. Instead, it's beginning to look like a tour of duty in my own private war zone. One thing I'm learning about my own insecurity is that it all stems from one gnarly root. Trust. I found this out Thursday when it hit me once again, fresh as new, that I cannot take a compliment. I crave words of affirmation and then deny myself the gift when it's given. I simply can't believe a good word spoken about me, even when it comes through the fruit created by the Spirit dwelling within me and working His way out. Instantly, I discredit a compliment because I don't trust that people say what they mean. I seem to always look at kindness by weighing it against the reality of who I know myself to be, and the bad always out weighs the good when I'm the one gauging things. Thank God for constantly reminding me that He's the One with the scales of eternity, not little ol' earthen me! He's teaching me that when a compliment is too great for me, it's because the credit is all His! Now the goal has changed from learning to accept a compliment to learning to deflect it instead of reject it. God is due the glory for any good that He might be working in, on, or through me. I can trust that without fail! His voice above that of the world. His voice above my own. His voice is trustworthy and true and I can rest assured in that! You can, too! CommentsMon, 01 Mar 2010 3:58:38 pm That is such a hard territory. I am horrible with compliments. I usually make situations more awkward by responding, so I just make odd grunting noises or something else that is terribly feminine. Mon, 01 Mar 2010 4:06:15 pm I hope you know I never doubted you or the heart behind those words or any you've shared with me! I just naturally looked for a way to prove you wrong instead of taking the blessing you gave me and handing it to the God who deserves such high praise! I love you and am so grateful for each interaction we get to share in! Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:51:22 pm Oh girl, we are sisters on this one. I have the hardest time accepting compliments because I think "Well if they really knew me they'd be saying something different!" Why is it so easy to believe the bad things about ourselves even if it's not true, and so stinkin hard to believe the good? Why? {sigh} Tue, 02 Mar 2010 2:38:55 pm It shouldn't be easier to take an insult than a compliment...let's fix this girls! Wed, 03 Mar 2010 7:21:00 pm Hi Victoria -- I just read your welcoming words on your "home" page -- and yes, I'm somewhere being weird, too, when away from my computer. ;) Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:12:16 am Bonnie, my mom wasn't one to compliment either and that may have torn me down more than any insult she hurled at me. God is using beautiful sisters like you to fill that void and I can't tell you how grateful I am for your encouragement! Thank you so much! I'm celebrating your 100th with you! Keep after Him! Thu, 27 May 2010 6:35:06 am This was an interesting topic you wrote about. I would like to see you write more about it. Also, do you do your wire frames on paper and scan it, or you use any digital tool? They look nice. Leave a Reply |  
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